#1: Dog Train Author: ANZAC_Lord4war, Location: Sydney AustraliaPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 4:38 am — During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R & R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London.
The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude," she said. "Can't you see my dog is sitting there?" He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down," he said. The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude you are arrogant too."
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, "Lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?" The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious!"
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless. An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up.
"Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady's description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand,and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."
#2: Author: God4Saken, Location: Melbourne, AustraliaPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 6:16 am — Great joke Lord, can everybody else submit their favourite joke here as well? Here's one I heard on the radio, absolutely love it.
A woman goes on a date with a male colleague from work who has quite a reputation as a stud (A bit like myself really, if I can be so modest). Anyway, they have a nice time at a restaurant and eventually go back to his place. She gets a tour of his flat, including his bedroom, and is a little perplexed by what she sees. In his bedroom covering one entire wall is a vast collection of soft teddy bears. All different types and colors, they are all neatly placed on three long shelves, with the smallest bears on the bottom shelf, medium sized bears on the middle shelf and the some very large bears on the top shelf. Having originally thought of him as being a bit macho cave-man, she now becomes quite attracted to him after seeing this obvious softer side of him in that he collects soft cuddly teddy bears. Anyway, one thing leads to another and they are soon in bed together having wild passionate sex. The woman puts in quite an effort on the man as she is so turned on by his warm and fuzzy side and the man responds accordingly (A nice way of saying they bonked their brains out). Some time later whilst lying next to each other in the afterglow, the man leans over to the woman and says to her.....
"After a performance like that, I reckon you can take home one of the prizes off the middle shelf!"
#3: good one lordy,saken... Author: ANZAC_Tack, Location: AustraliaPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 12:06 pm — hope to mett on the gjs battlefield soon saken, got a good game comin up i rekon, u r leanin the best way, the hard way! its the ONLY way to train,TRAIN HARD, FIGHT EASY!
tack$ter
#4: another ww2 joke Author: hiddentiger45, Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 2:58 pm — A WW2 RAF Veteran was visiting a Convent School to give a speech on his experiences during the war.
He spoke of terrible tales of bloodshed, destruction and nail biting dogfights.
As he neared the end of his speech, he added:
“Oh, I almost forgot to mention the most memorable flight.. my first sortee in the, at the time, brand new Spitfire MKV we had all been waiting for.
We took off, and got into formation. We made our way for the coast of Devon, our mission for the day was to provide air support for a much needed convoy that was set to depart for Malta.
Whilst we were above the fleet, we began messing around, as one does, performing the odd aerobatical manuever, getting to grips with this new wonderful aircraft.
Suddenly over the radio, Lt. Smythe is screaming “FOKKERS!! FOKKERS!! DUE WEST, HIGH!”
He was right, diving down at us from the Sun were a flotilla of Fokkers.”
A quiet mumble soon turns into a haze of whispers amongst the girls as they all have a look of confusuion on their face.
The head sister stands up to address the girls:
“Girls, quiet please. To cease this confusion: A Fokker is a type of German War plane. Captain, please continue.”
“Thank you, sister. You are right.. a Fokker is a type of German war plane, but these fokkers were in Messerchmidts!”
#5: Author: ronson, Location: EnglandPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 4:38 pm — A train travels through Poland, in one compartment stands a pretty girl, a Polish patriot and a Russian officer. As they enter a tunnel darkness decends and there is the sound of a Thud!... followed be an anguished ......Yelp!
As the train leaves the tunnel, and the light returns, the Russian officer is sporting a split lip.
The pretty girl looks admiringly at the Polish patriot and thinks.......What a brave man.....in the darkness he struck a blow for our freedom against the Russian.......
The Polish patriot smiles back at the girl thinking.......What a courageous girl the Russian tried to kiss her in the darkness and she defended her own and Polands honour.....
The Russian officer looks at both sheepishly thinking to himself.......How stupid of me to trip in the dark and hit my mouth on the door handle ...lucky the Poles didn't see me make a fool of myself!!!!!!!
