Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 10:32 am Post subject: facts about Chuck Norris!
This thread is dedicated to the Man Chuck Norris.
The best undeafeted fighter in the world!
I dont count the loss against Bruce Lee In Way of the Dragon.
as we all know Bruce cheated by pulling Chuck`s chest hairs out!
1.Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
2.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
3.Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
4.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
5.Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
6.Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
7.Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
8.Chuck Norris can drown fish.
9.Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
10.Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
11.Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
12.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
13.Chuck Norris' wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."
14.Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings.
He declined because, "Only a poof would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
15.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
16.Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
17.When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
18.Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
19.The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.
20.We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
21.Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
22.On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
23.The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris.
This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.
24.Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
25.The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Forget words,actions will show your true ambitions!The Battlefield,In many cases, the terrain of a battlefield can be the best resource a commander has. A clump of trees, an abandoned house, or a drainage ditch can all be powerful tools in the right hands
Chuck orris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a
friend that the expression "sh**ting bricks" wasn't just a figure of
speech.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
and... drum roll
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win
the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a
Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and
a green #4 card from the game Uno.
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