[CSO_Talorgan]

The wackiest Market Garden what-if I ever heard of was a diversionary attack on Deelen airfield using penal troops. An entirely expendable airborne battalion was created from old aircraft, unserviceable gliders, disgraced pilots and convicts. This whole penal force was landed at Deelen while the 1st Airborne Division seized its targets around Arnhem. Obviously they were going to take very heavy casualties, but if they bought time for 1st Airborne and XXX Corps the war might well be over by Christmas!

If you've seen the film "The Dirty Dozen" you'll get the general idea, but this plan involved over a thousand men.

Britain's jails were emptied. The convicts were put in uniforms and shown how to use Sten guns and gammon grenades. They were then handcuffed to the seats of Hamilcar gliders which were flown by (mostly RAF) pilots who had been found guilty of various misdemeanors in various parts of the world over the preceeding five years. The tugs were flown by pilots guilty of less serious offenses or who had failed during training. The aircraft were all at the end of their service lives, damaged in combat or accidents, cobbled together from various scrapyards, etc.

During take off the strength of both pilots was required to keep the Hamilcar steady. However once safely at altitude and out over the sea, too far away from Blighty to be able to fly back without the tug, the co-pilot was able to nip downstairs with the keys and release a couple of the prisoners. These prisoners were then able to release the others and to open the sealed boxes containing their weapons and ammunition. A handful of mentally deranged "nutters" were left handcuffed until after landing because they could not be trusted not to pull the pins out of grenades while they were still in the air. Enough "sensible" and cooperative prisoners knew to behave reasonably inside the glider, lest they all end up in the drink. Other "psycho" prisoners would act violently on arrival and see to it that the Germans were in no mood to take prisoners.

Mass surrender then was not an option, but the promise was that if the force "put on a good show", the sentences of any survivors would be reviewed. It was also a good outlet for pent up aggression.

Each glider pilot carried a package to be opened only upon arrival at Deelen. These were made to look like sealed orders, but when opened they contained the pilot's old "wings", "rings" (badges of rank worn on their epilettes) and medal ribbons which had been ceremoniously removed after the various court martials. There was also a note from the King saying:

"You are now surrounded by 2 SS Panzer Korps, but your honour and reputation are restored, so all is well. Good Luck!

P.S. Your Bren gun is under your seat."

Needless to say the story involved a hero who had been framed and falsely imprisoned, but fought bravely and survived the battle, appropriately wounded. He cornered, confronted and killed the baddy before vanishing off into the sunset with the heroine over his shoulder.

It doesn't get much better.