An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this.
"Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out".
The patient replied, *Australian Accent* "No worries, mate!!"*/Australian Accent*
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He
asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney.I heard prostitutes there get paid
$400 for doing what I do for you for free." Later that night, on her
way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing
his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm
coming too, I want to see how you live on $800 a year".
Ok! Sorry for my english. Here is one i like: the americans, the french and the caniadiandsmake a research about why the head of the D**k is bigger than the base. The americans after investing 1 million $, 6 months and 500 thousands volonteers comme to the conclusion tht: Is for the pleasure of the mens!. The french after 2 nillion $, 1 year and 600 tousand volonteers: Is for the pleasure of the womens! The canadians after 10 beers and 2 hours in a strip-bar come to the conclusion that it is so: so that your hand not to slip off at the end when you're jerking off!
they held a cenus here to find out why so many kiwis moved to Australia. Apparently most moved here believing the Great Australian stock route was an annual event.....
they held a cenus here to find out why so many kiwis moved to Australia. Apparently most moved here believing the Great Australian stock route was an annual event.....
Hahaha. Very funny, Aussie.
Maori bloke goes to live in Sydney, Austraaaalya, for a while.
Goes to the pub up Kings Cross his first friday night there, as you do, and asks the bartender for a beer.
Pat and Mick, two aussie boofheads are watching him sit there. "Pat mate," says Mick, "that theres one of them there dirty Kiwi black barstards, probably stole some Aussies job, sitting here in our pub, drinking OUR beer."
"I rekon yous got it right, Pat, so what are we going to do about it?" says Mick.
"I rekon we go over there and offer to punch his boong head in for him, what do you say?".
So the two okkers go over and introduce themselves thus " Hello you big coon, want to go outside and learn the Balmain Tapdance?".
Maori fella smiles at them, says "Righto yous blokes" finishes his beer, and follows them out.
*noise off stage, very like someones ribs being booted hard*
Maori bloke comes back in, puts two wallets on the bar and says "Mick and Pat asked me to look after their wallets, while they have a little lie down, so they are buying us all a few".
The next night, he goes back for a beer there. Now, to give them their due, Aussies WILL give you a kicking, but won't hold a grudge on you, if you give THEM one in return. So Pat sees the maori bloke come in, and says " Mick mate, thats that big FIGHTING boong kiwi black barstard, he sure can fight eh?".
"Yep" says Mick. " I reckon we ought to go over and buy him some drinks, show him we aren't sad barstards that hold a grudge forever like some johnny wog ".
"You got it son, "says Pat " and maybe we can drink him under the table, and HE gets stiffed with the bill, make up for last night".
They buy three jugs, and walk over and say "Get that in ya, you're a black barstard, but we's all cosmopoliton in Sydney. Where'd ya learn to fight like a cut snake with a hard on?".
So they have a pleasant few hours drinking together, and are suprised to find the kiwi is just a regular sort of bloke, and once you spend some time with him, not really even black as one would call an ABO black, more a sort of suntanned brown. ALMOST a white fella they find themselves thinking, but they shrug that off as the drink talking.
Slowly their heads nod, and they begin to repeat themselves, and then *clunk* fall off their barstools.
The maori bloke looks a little wobbly , but he remembers to say "Ok mr Tarbender, my mateshh wanted pay for our tab. Nice guys, for a couple Aussies", and he rolls out the door.
The next friday night, Mick and Pat are there again when the Maori walks in. They call him over, and shake hands. "You" says Mick " Are dinky di with us, Blue. Have a beer."
So they are sitting there, and Pat slips Mick the wink and says "So, mate, you like Aussie grls?, we got some shelias lined up for later on tonight. They got a friend if you wanna hook up with her, a good sort too. We will all go out to the beach, and give them a root".
The maori bloke says "Well, maybe I might"
Mick says "Get into 'er mate, she's got a cunt this big. *holds his hands apart*
Maori bloke finishes his beer and says "No worries sport, they stretch eh?"
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum You cannot attach files in this forum You can download files in this forum
In August of 2004, Zappi, Homba, Bambam887, RedScorpion and MOOXE all pitched
in to create this Close Combat site. I would to thank all the people who have visited
and found this site to thier liking. I hope you had time to check out some
of the great Close Combat mods and our forums. I'd also like to thank
all the members of our volunteer staff that have helped over
the years, and all our users that contributed to this site!
